Next: 75+ Funny What Do You Call Jokes. 135 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. 42 of the funniest lines you’ve heard on the golf course. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. Always remember that youre unique, just like everyone else. Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. Youll have trouble putting on your pants. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. Pack your stuff, theyre waiting. Turns out, Im not gonna be a doctor. com>4653 Funny One Liners. He was so good, I don’t even care. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot. What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles - Unknown 3. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. It was chasing its tail trying to make both ends meet. The 20 best lines from W1A “I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. — ciprex 02 of 24 Well, Well, Well, Very Funny Via Getty Images/Arsenio Marrero. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. Some of the best one-liner comedians include Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine and Steven. Dad comes to his son and tells him hes adopted. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat? 3. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. 101 Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!>150 Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. I failed math so many times at school, I cant even count. I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but he kept dropping the bass. Extremely Funny One Liners – Best One Liner Jokes in 2023. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank… I have no words to describe how angry I am. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. 101 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in the least possible words. “Caddie told me it was a 5 iron to clear the water on a par 3, I. Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. ago I skydive and sometimes hear things like this around the drop zone: If your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to fix it. She got her looks from her father. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?. Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Report 227 points POST THIS IS HILARIOUS 22 View more comments #2 Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. ” (Long pause) Golfer B: “Yeahhow ‘bout YOU take it?” — @JerryLouLooper ————————- 41. - Milton Jones I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. Which day do potatoes fear the most? Fry-days. Mater is Latin for mother, since their primary function is to protect the central nervous system. Best Dad Jokes of All Time. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. One liners are great. Extremely Funny One Liners – Best One Liner Jokes in …. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. com%2f1040121%2fmarynliles%2fone-liners%2f/RK=2/RS=ULUGahZ5t51fcFDAaZBsM3. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. One liner tags: people, puns. He was known for double meanings embedded in. How he got in my pajamas, Ill never know. One liner tags: puns. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. I should have asked for a jury. Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright, too. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. When somebody says that you are. The most one-liner jokes youll ever hear in a full comedy special might just be from Geechy Guy. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. If youd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection of medical puns. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. The doctor says, Youve got a rare form of cancer. Funny one-liners 1. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it was only a Thursday. ” Tom Ward (2015) “I really wanted kids when I was in my early 20s but I could just. I try not to tell dad jokes, but when I do, he thinks they’re. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking, so I finally caved. What did the grape say when it got. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help But Laugh At. I went back to sleep right away. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. A one-liner joke is a joke delivered in a single line. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. The 20 best one-liners ever. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy. 80 Hilariously Funny Jokes 2023. Kids These Days Have you played the updated kids game? I Spy. Rodney Dangerfield nailed it. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. Extremely Funny One Liners. It is confirmed that taller people sleep longer. 101 Good, Clean Jokes Thatll Make You Laugh. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #120 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. Best One Liners Ever With these best one liners ever, you can find yourself laughing like a crazed hyena. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. Hell be following me around like, Jack me off! Jack me off! You did it once! Do it yourself. Don Baird / Getty Images Advertisement 2. A man is at the funeral of an old friend. ” Tommy Cooper “I was married by a judge. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. 36 Witty & Wacky Icebreaker Jokes To Tell At Your Next Meeting. ] [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. Irreverent and honest, this one pickup line will get you a laugh when you deliver it right. I knew it! I wanna see my real parents ! Dad replies, We are your real parents, son. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. Can You Handle These 65 Ridiculously Funny Medical Jokes?. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. - Demetri Martin Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. One liner tags: blonde, death, sarcastic, time 85. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. He approaches the dead mans wife, and asks if he could say a word. The cops have nothing to go on. com/_ylt=AwrFNKTruFZk8mIogqtXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Ny/RV=2/RE=1683433836/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2fparade. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos. Always borrow money from a pessimist. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. Transfer Your Debt and Pay 0% Interest Until 2024. Its never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. 150 Funny One Liners to Get You Giggling All Day. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. Golfer A: “Let’s get a group photo here on the first tee. Report 158 points POST I just snorted my coffee. “May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. funniest ever jokes and best one. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. The 20 best one-liners ever. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with. Outrageously Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. ≡ Best One Liners of All Time List. Moreover, they can always help you avoid silly moments of silence when youre with your friends. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. So a few years go my friend got viral meningitis, a swelling of the meninges that can easily kill you. 20 View More Replies View more comments #3. Reply 9 69ingJamesFranco • 9 yr. And, to use as few words as possible and still. With well over 100 responses submitted, we narrowed the list down to 42 of. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. ” Groucho Marx “The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Spend $500, Get $200 Fast With This Top Card. The 20 best one-liners ever. Can You Handle These 65 Ridiculously Funny Medical Jokes?. Some of the best jokes and one-liners youll ever hear come over the course of 18 holes with buddies, or even with strangers. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. 62 Worst Pickup Lines (Cringy, Bad, Dumb). In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: theyre easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. One liner tags: puns, sport 85. But dont worry, it is at the bottom of the things I want to do. The wife says that yes, he could. What is the best Friday of the year for the faithful? The Good Friday. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants. The 20 best one-liners ever. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. 145 Best Dad Jokes of All Time. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter. Game-Changer for Americans in. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t walk into the. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. “What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles” – Unknown 3. He was known for double meanings embedded in his one-liners, along with his ever-present cigar, prominent eyebrows, and glasses. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job. Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds My phone will ring at 2am and my wifell look at me and go, Whos that calling at this time? I say, I dont know. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants! I poured root beer in a square glass. Funny Jokes About Friday. He keeps trying to convince me hes a compulsive liar, but I dont believe him. 11 Clean One Liner Jokes. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, my love. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. 180 Best Dad Jokes of All Time. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. 1) “Have you ever noticed [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. What did Jonahs family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? Hmm, sounds fishy. I was involved in very organised crime. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Funniest One Liners Ever Heard. Funny one-liners 1. I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line. However, it was Groucho Marx who became the reigning king of comedy in the 1940s. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine. “A computer once beat me at chess. And you dont have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?. One of the classic best one liners. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, Im not going to go spreading it!. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. 100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny. 25 hilarious dad jokes that will make you laugh and groan. I had a dream about being a muffler. 3) Whats a comedians least favorite drink? [Booze] I threw a boomerang a few years ago. zwRI- referrerpolicy=origin target=_blank>See full list on parade. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a. Wayne While Wayne and the others are often busy with chorin they certainly still make time for a lot of immature conversations. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank I have no words to describe how angry I am. ] 2) I threw a boomerang a few years ago. The wife smiles, and says Thank you, that means a lot. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? Theyre both Paris sites. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. One liners are great. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. RIP, boiling water. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side. Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. ] 2) “I threw a boomerang a few years ago. (… Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. You Can’t Help but Laugh At>175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. Hilarious Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. Relationships are a lot like algebra. ]” [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. 40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. 20 Funniest Quotes From Letterkenny. 90 Good Comebacks, Roasts & One. Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, its the whole sentence. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger each second; then it hit me! 33. “Some cause happiness wherever they go. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. One liner tags: puns. This one is so bad you just have to laugh at it. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Two peanuts went walking down the street. That way, when I do criticize him, Im a mile away and I have his shoes. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says Plethora. Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t. They often get worked up and dive into silly topics, but this one point of view that Wayne felt the need to mention is particularly memorable. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Why did Friday work out? It was a weak day for him. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. 50+ Funny One Liners To Tell Friends. What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers. Im not a fan of spring cleaning. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. Funniest One Liners Ever HeardHumpty Dumpty had a great fall. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. Lets be honest, Im not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either. Absolutely hilarious one liners! The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. 45 Funny Christian Jokes Canva/Parade 1. Oh, Im sorry, I didnt realize that youre an expert on my life and how I should live it. [sobbing] I dont have any goddamn thumbs! Now jack me off, you piece of shit!. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up.